Tuesday, November 12, 2013

Still kickin!

Alright.. Im back! For good! I keep losing my email or password to login since Google wouldnt accept my normal "go-to"s but I have a new computer and its locked in for-ev-er!  Ive really missed blogging. So much has happened that I wish I had documented but oh well, I guess this is a fresh start.

Christmas is coming! (instert sarcastic "yayyyy" here) Christmas eve is Dane's birthday so my first one without him will be nothing short of an emotional break down Im sure.  Ive looked into things to do in his memory on this day but nothing seems good enough, so I decided Im just going to give, give, GIVE this year to the less fortunate.  That would make him so happy and proud.  Sure, you should do this every year but we all get so caught up in life that we forget.  That wont be me any longer. This is a mission! 

Tonight I really felt good and quite bittersweet.  

I went with my sister, her husband, her friends and their husbands to a silent/live auction for one of their childrens' schools.  I looked around the hundreds of spa packages, art work, and vacations feeling a bit out of place as the bids written down were far more than I have ever had in my bank account. Then there it was! 

A box with 10 brand new childrens book bags in it and NO bids. I immediately felt like I had to get them. Weird for any on looker Im sure. I could almost feel people looking at me as I looked at the starting bid like what the hell is she going to do with 10 book bags?! 

Well I won! I decided it would be an awesome and cost efficient thing to donate them to kids this Christmas. When I was dropping the box off I felt such an urge to call Dane.  I wanted to tell him what I won and how excited I was and hear him tell me how amazing he thought it was, how he wished he had gone and wished that people would have done that for him as a kid. We both had less than extravagant Christmases' growing up so this would mean so much to us both. I know he would have been so happy, wanted to fill them with toys and make a child smile with me.  

Even though it was his birthday and Christmas he never expected or asked for anything, ever.  I loved that so much about him. He would always just say he wanted to spend the day with me, even if we laid in bed all day and did nothing. Me on the other hand; I have a list and want to celebrate all month.

I guess thats what made he and I so special. We were so different but so alike. I know he wanted a special day for his birthday and not to have the crappy "bday/Christmas" combo he got stuck with year after year. He would tell a story how his family member, I believe his grandma, threw him a party during summer to make him feel special and it was the best birthday ever. I hope I can make someones Christmas special. I hope I can remember Danes giving heart and carry it with me every year while I do something in his memory and honor that he would be proud of. Thats my only Christmas wish. 

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