Friday, February 28, 2014

3 Month Hiatus

I havent written in Ive felt a need and want to, but when I sit down there is just too much to even begin. Its like Im back at the beginning of this blog all over again.. sitting and staring at a blank screen wondering how in the hell to start, will it be interesting, there is just so much, will anyone read it.. blahblahblah. 

It doesnt matter.

I made this for me and to me; to look back and reflect. So lets take a minute and reflect.. 

My Birthday, 11/30/13- I am 26! Whoa. My friends came to my work and rang it in with me at midnight on Friday, which was super special. A few days before I picked out my birthday dress and my girlfriend bought it for me which was so sweet and memorable to me. Dane bought my dress last year and it just felt good. The next night (my actual birthday) we went to dinner and I was quite upset. A bunch of friends of mine and Danes said they were coming.. months, weeks before.. and didnt show.  I started thinking, I really am nothing without him. Im not the exciting, funny, girlfriend of their friend that they have to put up with anymore. They have a choice now and decided I suck without him. Some wandered in towards the end of the night but the significance was lost by then. I was thankful that the people who could make it did, but I also felt like this was important to be at.. And bring on the liquor.. I was in tears talking to strangers by 1am. Pity me. 
Here Victoria and I are.. at the beginning of the night. 

Danes Birthday, 12/24/13- This was what I thought would be my top 3 worst moments of my life.. For all of his friends and family.. #1 being him passing #2 being seeing him at the viewing for the last time. Surprisingly, his birthday was enjoyable. We had a few friends meet at Backyard (a bar down our street) and at midnight we all sang happy birthday :) I love ringing in birthdays at midnight if you havent noticed, LOVE it. We had his favorite red velvet cupcakes complete with the expensive 2 and 8 candles haha. Just kiddingggg. Anything for my babe. A lot of funny pictures of him were around the table and the candles were lighting them so beautifully. Everyone insisted I blow out the candles. Ill never forget how full I felt at that moment. Dane always gave me the smallest gestures to make me feel appreciated. I felt like he was there encouraging them to allow me to do that. They yelled at me for being crazy and threatened to not be friends with me because I tried to decline. It was an honorable thing for me. He was all around that night. He never wanted anything for his birthday since it was also Christmas Eve. He always asked to just be with people he loved whether it be friends, my family or whoever. Dane was so thankful for everything you did for him, even if I just got him a towel out of the towel closet while he was in the shower and was yelling for one, always, always so thankful. His birthday was perfect because everyone he loved and who loved him was right there paying their respects. Afterwards we had a few shots and everyone was safe in the bed by 2. It was so nice and intimate. I sat up until 7am just looking off of our balcony.  This time last year we had a beautiful suite at Marina Inn at Grand Dunes. We sat on the porch overlooking a gorgeous marina and pool and talked for hours about what we wanted out of 2013. This year I sat on our bedroom balcony and just stared into a black sky. The only thing I remember is it being so cold that I couldnt move. I was out there for hours and it still didnt seem like enough. 
So many pictures. So many memories. 

My sweet gal pal thought of Dane during her Christmas trip to NY. Theres nothing that compares. 

Danes birthday. I love that man.

New Years, 1/1/14- First year without that kiss from him in 3 years. Thankfully, I dont recall much from this night since I was working and forcing myself to be busy. 

January came and left, February came and is leaving. The only notable thing to report is this is the 10th month without Dane. Lord give me strength. 

1 comment:

  1. I don't know why I'm only just seeing this now. Love you <3